Alright, I've come up with 2 more plans to take over the world.... just in case one of them fails. (highly unlikely I'm sure, but you can never have too many backup plans)

Backup: Plan "B"
I will create a new line of contact lenses that claim to make the wearer irresistible to lovers. (this will sucker in 98% of the worlds population, ofcourse excluding the monks) But I am not worried about them thwarting my plans to take over the world... most of them don't believe the world "exists" anyways. Now, 98% of the population will be wearing my evil contacts, which actually magnify their vision. Thus giving me 36 hours to take over the world while their eyes adjust to the changes. When they do adjust, I will give a speech in which I will claim that they only "think they see me as in a position of power, however all is well."

Plan "C"
If I ever get this far, the world is too hard for an ordinary human to take over. Therefore I will have to resort to my alter-ego Crime-fighting super-hero methods. Carefully disguised as a Jr. College student, I will work my ways up the academic ladder until I become President... from there I can launch a new breed of student who I have carefully trained as crime-fighters as well. When the world notices my good deed, they will invest incalculable funds into my "school", which I will skillfully divert into my swiss "take over the world" account. Then I will not only have a handful of skilled super-hero henchmen, but billions of dollars to bring about my plans.

So I was just thinking... my birthday is coming up pretty soon. Soon I will be older, facing another year, boldly taking on the new challenges, fighting crime in streets, putting Lord of the Ring Elves and their fairy lore in it's place with my dashing display of skill, knowledge, and fortitude.... and when it's all said and done I'll dust off my own back, and prepare for another year. When I look at it all in that manner. It's kinda a drab life. I mean, my mom always said "life only gets worse." So I've come up with a new plan. This year, I'm not going to accept the roman calendar's New Year... In fact, why should I embrace another "year of age"? If life is only going to get worse as I get older, change is only going to disrupt things more. I'm pretty comfortable with what I know... why should I need to embrace the unknown (the uncomfortable?). I'm content to kick back in my recliner and watch the world walk past my window, as long as they aren't looking in on me. So from now on, I will say "NO" to change!

Alright, I'm bored already... forget resisting change... gimme something new, bring it on!

Well How Was Christmas? I hope everyone had a chance to enjoy it as much as I did. (well we all had the same chance, how we used that time is another tale.)
So I hope you all are using the holiday season to spend time with your family (cuz they do matter ya know) and your friends (we matter too), and in greatful reflection (because what God gives can never be compared). I'm not usually serious in this thing, but I do hope you all are planning for a brighter New Year. Actually, I am confident that a daily re-focus of priorities towards God will make it better. And if it's not better, I can guarantee that it'll be worth the adventure. Isn't it funny how we often look in many places for adventure and meaning, when the source of it all is standing around waiting for us to sign on. Enjoy this new year, make it a year to count & waste not a moment!

Reasons I wouldn't ever want to be Santa.
#1
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. so Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travel east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second...I'm sorry but that's too much overtime for me.
#2
Malls are way too crowded this season... How horrible would it be to have heavy little kids jump into your lap, clamber around or cry, and beg you for gifts that are always the most expensive? I dont think I'd enjoy that, plus the whole red suit thing... I mean it's hot inside those malls, and if the kid's body heat alone doesn't make one sweat, you've got a good 20lbs of red felt to keep you warm.

My hands are all shaky, my face had gone pale.
a letter from Santa just arrived in the mail!
It was hand-Written in old-fashioned in pen.
It was handsomely printed and dated twelve ten.
"Dear Jensen" it said. "I'm writing because this year I've repealed my 'naughty/nice' laws.
So now I urge you: Be vulgar and crude!
I like it when teens are boorish and rude!
burp at the table! gargle your peas!
Never say 'Thank you', 'Your welcome', or 'Please'.
Talk back to your mother, Dont do as your told.
Stick you tongue out at your dad if he scolds!
Drive everyone crazy, I really dont care!
Act like a jerk, anytime, anywhere!
I'm changing the rules!
I'll give you a present that will makes neighbors drool.
So crank up the music, and listen to me, cuz I'm Chris Kringle.
Just run in the house, and slam your bedroom door.
I'll send you a thermonuclear missile, caliber 4.
Good people make me sick, it's really no joke.
Sincerely, signed Santa."
And then I awoke...
Its lame being good (or trying to fake it)
six days until Christmas... I sure hope I make it!

Ok, new plan to take over the world... I've broken it down into 3 stages for simplicity.

Stage One:
To begin my plan, I will first blackmail a local Team Mascot. This will cause the world to sit up and take notice, stunned by my arrival. They will ask "who is this Nightmare beyond Comprehension? Where did he come from? And why does he look so good in Classic Black?"
Stage Two:
Next, I will Sabotoge the Internet. This will cause countless hordes of Computer Programmers to flock to me, begging to do my every bidding. My name will become synonymous with the hatred displayed towards the Spice Girls, as lesser men whisper my name in terror.
Stage Three:
Finally, from my base inside an Amusement Park I will covertly move 33 Long Range IC44 Thermonuclear Missiles, bringing about Horrors beyond human Comprehension. Then I will reinstate the internet, with pop-up ads of my favorite products, and every website will have a link to my favorite sites. Rendering their indevidual preferences futile, forcing them to follow my evil plan!

I've finally come up with my plan to take over the world! I am only explaining this to you, because when all is said and done I want to recieve credit where credit is due. -Utilizing satellite technology and 24.6 rolls of Duct Tape I will redirect all global telephone communication into an never-ending voice mail system. And once a person is on the line, the array and amount of choices will render them occupied, busy, and unable to defend the earth for a full 72 hours - more than enough time for a well-prepared me to seize control of the planet.-

I've been thinking of a new book I will publish which appeals to rich and wealthy CEO's, who in turn might share some of their wealth with me this holiday season!

Breaking News-SADDAM DENIES PURSUING ‘NUCULAR’ WEAPONS

"No Evidence of Nucular Program in Iraq", Reporter Says

Responding to last night’s period of questioning in Iraq where Saddam was repeatedly accused of attempting to acquire “nucular” weapons, President Saddam Hussein of Iraq today categorically denied having a “nucular” weapons program of any kind.
“Iraq does not now nor has it ever had a ‘nucular’ weapons program,” Saddam said in a terse official statement. “Nor does it have any idea what a ‘nucular’ weapon is.”
The young translator from Southpaw Kentucky apparently did not understand his accent had confused Saddam... So once again, we are unsure of Saddam's secret weapon program.

Why does listening to John Ashcroft make me feel like the world has already ended? If we're going to be warned about terrorism, can't it be by someone who actually makes us want to live?
As far as terrorism threats we are in a code orange. Homeland Security said earlier today that everyone should have a roll of duct tape and plastic sheeting to protect your house in event of terrorist attacks. Who came up with this idea? MacGyver or the plastic company?