Reasons I wouldn't ever want to be Santa.
#1
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. so Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travel east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second...I'm sorry but that's too much overtime for me.
#2
Malls are way too crowded this season... How horrible would it be to have heavy little kids jump into your lap, clamber around or cry, and beg you for gifts that are always the most expensive? I dont think I'd enjoy that, plus the whole red suit thing... I mean it's hot inside those malls, and if the kid's body heat alone doesn't make one sweat, you've got a good 20lbs of red felt to keep you warm.