Envy In Pool Rules Part I

Everyone thinks Lifeguards and Pool Rules are there for the patron's own good... think again. After spending hours on guard contemplating the real reasons we do what we do, I've come up with our list of Pool Rules and the REAL reasons why we have them.
#1, No Running: Its obvious, we want you to stay in our facility as long as possible.
#2, No Rough-Housing: That right is reserved for Water Polo players- not the recreational swimmer.
#3, No Hand mounted or reverse back dives: We can't have you doing anything we can't do.
#4, No Splashing the Lifeguards: Yeah we envy you in the pool, but we get splashed on our own terms.
#5, No Drowning, Jumping in to save you is really our last priority (we'd rather throw another kid in to save you than jump in ourselves)- Stay close to the wall.