Envy In Pool Rules Part II

Ofcourse we have more than 5 rules, because we need to keep ourselves busy. If all the patrons knew all the rules and followed them we'd have nothing to do for hours on end.

#6- Listen to the Lifeguards: We have the power and we're not afraid to use our whistles.
#7- No Eating in the Pool: Because We're Hungry and we have to watch you, don't be cruel.
#8- No Swearing: Simply put because the word "Profanity" is too hard to yell.
#9- Shower Before Entering: The minimal amount of water dripped on your heads doesn't make a difference. But We'll assume you're sanitary.
#10- No Diving in the Shallow end: Ok, maybe we do have your safety in mind. Remember, your injury means our paper work.
#11- Wear Proper Attire: Swimsuits are for swimming, diving, and playing. Bikinis are for tanning and wading. Street clothes?- May I ask what provokes someone to swim in jeans and a blouse?!

So Next time you're at a pool- be nice to the Guards and FOLLOW EVERY RULE!

Envy In Pool Rules Part I

Everyone thinks Lifeguards and Pool Rules are there for the patron's own good... think again. After spending hours on guard contemplating the real reasons we do what we do, I've come up with our list of Pool Rules and the REAL reasons why we have them.
#1, No Running: Its obvious, we want you to stay in our facility as long as possible.
#2, No Rough-Housing: That right is reserved for Water Polo players- not the recreational swimmer.
#3, No Hand mounted or reverse back dives: We can't have you doing anything we can't do.
#4, No Splashing the Lifeguards: Yeah we envy you in the pool, but we get splashed on our own terms.
#5, No Drowning, Jumping in to save you is really our last priority (we'd rather throw another kid in to save you than jump in ourselves)- Stay close to the wall.

GIANTS NEVER DIE

Update: Giants battled their way back into first place. (sooner than I had expected). Which means they might (if all goes right) have a chance at winning the playoffs... It's all still a few months away, so we'll keep with the hope! But I thought I'd just post this for all the Giants Haters out there who tried to convince me when they were battling for 5th place that there was no hope of them coming back this season!

Peace to the Homeless,

Dont Say That!

Things Lifeguards Shouldn't say during swim lessons:

#1. "Alright Bobby, good drowning- keep your tummy up... good job!"

#2. "Burr, this water is cold.... Ok kids! jump in!!!"

#3. "Ok, swim to me... keep coming- hold on- I dropped something!"

#4. "Hold your breath, we'll go down together!"

Tough Decisions:

Which is better:

Chicken McNuggets or Chicken Fingers? (do they really have either?)

Corn Dogs or TaterTots? (why does our food sound disgusting if we read the words carefully?)

Peanutbutter Sandwich with Grape Jelly or Strawberry Jam?
(careful, this one is emotionally significant to me- be kind to my heart)

Blog?

I hate Blogs and the people who write them,
I hate hypocrites,
I also hate Irony.

Questions:

Why is the Wedding Ring on the Third finger on the Left Hand? What difference does it make?

Who in the world was the first to think of Kissing someone? like, who would think "hey I eat with my mouth, let me kiss some germy face and it would be a good thing!"?!?

Who came up with the Millenium Bug theory? Where is he today?

*For anyone that reads this site... You dont even have to answer a question, I'd still appreciate a little "yo I read this site"... if you do read this page (just so I know if anyone reads anymore) if not, then you're not reading this- so dont stress about signing.

Black Widows

Aiight, another issue that's been bugging me.
What's the deal with Black Widows (I mean besides being freakingly deadly spiders)?!?! Like, who was the sympathetic moro that named them "widows" and not "murderers"? I've struggled with this problem. Part of me wants to be sympathetic and helpful towards the Black widow because she is "widowed". Then part of me watches the Discovery Channel and realizes she's a repeat-murderer who has a psychosexual imbalance. So why in the world call them poor "widows"... if anything the male spider should be getting a share of the alimony and the pleasure of seeing his ex-wife sentenced to the highest possible punishment. That's what I think... Because I'd be freaked out if my wife was a sick killer... I'd be dead too.

Organic Thoughts

Ok, So who thought of the word Organic to describe food?... Yeah my point exactly. Obviously the character lacked skills in the marketing industry (thus the reason why his products haven't been accepted by the main stream). Secondly, When I think Organic, I think 'Organ system'... They don't call sausages or haggis "organic food" but if anything it's as close as one could get. Next, what exactly is organic? I mean, I see organic food getting sprayed with something other than water... I don't know what, but it sure ain't clear water. And the dirt-flavored produce commonly associated with organic foods combined with the small size and excessive prices make me wonder why anyone in their right mind would buy organic foods.

Walking The Plank

Ok, So I didn't really fail a test... I ended up doing really good on it. Actually yesterday was my graduation ceremony thing at Hartnell (I had to share it with 435 other people) but it was cool none-the-less... I was embarassed when I had the one of the loudest cheers when my name was announced (I guess that's what happens when you know a lot of people)- and then when they announced my honors I looked out into the crowd at my teachers who had given me bad grades- and inside I knew they were thinking "darn, we robbed that kid of the highest honors". So yeah, the coolest thing!Actually whats cooler is that this is post #100!

Birds and Things

You know why birds don't write their memoirs? Because birds don't lead epic lives, that's why! Who'd want to read what a bird does? Nobody!
I flunked a test the other day, but I don't mind. It's all about priorities, and a man's gotta make room for what he cares about. These days are precious and I'd rather spend them planning to make my life epic (like "P.C. gamer extraordinaire") rather than studying. No one views ignorance as a quality of life these days... I'm about to change that.

Cha Cha

Aiight, Tomarrow is my last final/graduation from JC so after then I should have plenty of time to write. I've been kickin' it easy on some finals and did alright (others I am skeptical of) so yeah... hopefully I didn't screw up my gpa by being lazy.
In the Meantime, I'd like to point out that this is an important Month in my blog's history. Yes... It's been nearly a year since I've started on this grand adventure, and I'm quite surprized I haven't bailed on it yet. (I guess there is enough strange things in my head to fill up a years worth of bloggin.) So for all you grads, Congrats. For all you outa college folk - good luck for the summer. And for all you people like who never write to me in my guestbook- hope you enjoy the summer! I'm here all week!